and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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