Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
