tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
