god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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