Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
