i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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