I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
