a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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