So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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