Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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