My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
