Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
