I think I died a long time ago.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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