I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
