Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
