Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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