420 ftw
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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