sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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