3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Shame is for Republicans.
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