if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
