9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My dick has a subreddit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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