Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
