I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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