You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
