ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
