just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
