yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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