can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
