I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
