he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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