i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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