I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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