I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
