Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
