I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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