He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
