Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
