the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
