i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
