Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
