i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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