Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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