I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
