I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
