guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
