I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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