Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
