I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
