Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize