You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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