Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
