I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
