i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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