bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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