Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
