plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
