She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
