do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
