I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
