I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got inside last night via doggy door
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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