Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please come you make the beer taste better
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
