New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
