Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
