We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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