well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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