Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize