Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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