somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
