I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
