i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize