I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize